“From dust you came, and to dust you shall return.”

I beg to differ. Everyone does not return to dust. Some of us never even graced this earth that way. Crudely washed ashore, expelled from what was once the only safe haven we ever knew – but the same place that if we stayed too long would rapidly become the prison of our demise. Our final resting place, before we ever even lived.

Back then solitude, darkness, were welcome and necessary. Now they are quite the opposite. Poison in fact.

…Where is this going? I don’t know.

There is a lot of cognitive dissonance within me, and daily when I awake, my only mission is to keep it at bay. But how can I alone fight these waves? Just when I feel like I’ve trodden water long enough that I begin to swim, life itself will throw me unsuspectingly into a boulder of torment. Another rush of pain will engulf me. And I will sink and tumble in ways I never had, or in all the ways I have before. The cycle continues. I am not strong enough to stay afloat. I cannot go with the current, or against it. I am taken where life pleases, and the waves leave ripples on your skin. Dear Diary, why me? -Why anybody really?

Can we unplug the pain?

Surely you can’t stay hurt? I need to get away. For a long time. I’m not sure I’m doing the right thing. The happiness that others speak of is yet to befall me. Perhaps I am far too saturated with pain for my happiness to catch flame.

Why is everything I say sad?

I thought I came here with something intelligent and articulate to say. But the driving force was really that everything inside of me was screaming with all I had left…

“I’d do anything to be happy.”
And then I sat back and closed my eyes to see a place where the sun shines daily – Imagine a world like that.

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