I wanted to pose with flowers
Draped all over my body.
Complimentary to me, or I to them.
I wanted to lay on the back of a tiger
That I would call King Khan, and go on
Journeys with him through his world.
And have birds of paradise in my room,
That would sing me to sleep and wake me
Up the following morning, every morning.
I even wanted to harvest the rays of the sun
And hold them safe in a jar,
Whilst I watched their streaks illuminate my world.
But most of all, I wanted you.
I wanted you by my side, in my mind, all the time… Intertwined.
The gravity that holds upright my curving spine.
Interlocked into each other, wanting with the same force.
I would stare, I would stare… I still stare.
-And then, a thought.
Of all the things I thought I could want-
The flowers, King Khan and his stripes,
The beautiful birds, the rays of the sun
Each would have to die their true selves.
Perhaps entirely, in order to be mine.
You see the flowers on my body would be limp and lifeless
Starved of the water they need to survive.
And a beast that cannot run wild for the burden I would have placed on its back;
And what about the birds?
Vibrant, singing… Caged, clipped wings.
And the sunlight? In whose world would it exist, but mine?
Who else would be able to find it?
So, my love, you see now why I cannot want you near me.
For how could I love you dearly
Without causing you to tear yourself up
From the ground you have laid your roots, please?
It’s true I want you to be mine, all mine.
But I, and most definitely you,
Would be happier to know you can exist outside of me.
And I will walk though your garden
And tend to you from a distance.
Water your roots, and take care to see you grow upright.
Because I want the love we have together to be rich.
But I understand, if I want you to live,
The flowers of your love cannot be mine to pick.